I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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