that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
