WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
