Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
