Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
