I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize