Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
