I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
