Someone shit on the floor
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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