Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
