Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
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