You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
