sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
