getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's shark week go big or go home
True strength comes from lack of pants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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