If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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