They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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