So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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