the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
