Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
