I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
