Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
