I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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