and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
