I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
