After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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