I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
