I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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