Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
