I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we're so committed to being not committed
Couch. On fire.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
