I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
