Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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