How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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