i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
