My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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