I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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