I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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