Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had sex on a roof
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
