I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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