I must be too annoying 4 u.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize