Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
