Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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