I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
