She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
