i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
