im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize