I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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