just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We are all done wearing pants today
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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