she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
