Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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