It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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