I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
