forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
