The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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