lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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