Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
