And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
