This is not my ceiling
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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