he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
