they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
