he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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