i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
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Do vagina's smell?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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