with your own penis?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
