My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry about my life...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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