If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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