just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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