How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
