Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
