if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My vagina is officially offended.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
